


This Is Why Stiles Can't Have Nice Things!

by MissThief



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cute One Shot, Derek is Derek, Derek think's it's funny, Established Relationship, Fluff, Love, M/M, Sarcastic Stiles, Stiles is annoyed with Derek's crap, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:13:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissThief/pseuds/MissThief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles was getting sick and tired of Derek ripping his clothes off during sex. Literally RIPPING them off. To pieces. He was running out of things to wear!</p><p>Did Derek expect Stiles to just walk around naked?! </p><p>Stiles really didn't want to know that answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Why Stiles Can't Have Nice Things!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [palecrimsongoddess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/palecrimsongoddess/gifts).



> So I've read (and written) plenty of fics where the seme rips the clothes off the uke while they are messing around. This is a story from the uke's point of view on how annoying that gets. 
> 
> Pure fluff just for fun.

Stiles had a serious problem. Not a drug or alcohol problem. Not a gambling problem. Not even a silly, 'omg-I'm-in-high-school-and-life-is-sooooo-hard' problem. No, Stiles' problem was far more dire, at least in his mind. Stiles' problem was that he was running out of clothes.

Most people would laugh (and fuck those people in particular), but most people didn't have a werewolf boyfriend with very sharp claws who just loved to literally tear Stiles out of his clothes when they were messing around. And no matter how many times Stiles would tell said boyfriend to put the claws away during sex - because they seriously didn't need to be anywhere near his special places! - he'd always end up looking like someone took a weed wacker to him. Thankfully Derek had the decency to spare Stiles' favorite shirts.

Stiles had tried everything to keep from wandering around town looking like a horror movie extra from wearing extra thick layers, to bringing spares to change into. But his closet was starting to clear out faster than school on a Friday, and he was running out of options.

Derek's response to all this? Well, depending on how much of his weekly prick quota he had left to fill, it could be either of two ways. He could give Stiles that obnoxious yet sexy smirk and just say 'you like it' before walking off and leaving Stiles fuming. Or he could turn into a were-puppy with the sad eyes and the whimpering and the non stop apologies and 'I-love-yous', which made Stiles look like the asshole, thanks a fucking lot.

If Derek just kept that shit at home, Stiles might not have had such a huge problem with it. However, Derek loved being a prick (refer to aforementioned weekly quota), and would get Stiles at the worst times.

There was that one time when they were at the movies, and Derek convinced Stiles to suck him off since they were pretty much the only people in there. Stiles walked away from that one with three huge claw tears in the back of his shirt.

Or the time when Derek snuck into school and dragged him into an empty classroom, because he couldn't fucking wait three hours. Stiles' jeans were the victims that time, and he had to go around the rest of the day in his gym shorts. In January.

The final straw came when Stiles had to drive home in nothing but his underwear and Allison (sweet, beautiful, generous, totally not laughing at him Allison) lent him her big peacoat. He was praying to every deity he could remember that he didn't get pulled over for speeding. With his luck, it would be his dad who would just awkwardly ask if they needed to have 'the birds and the werewolves talk' again.

Stiles had tried punishing Derek! He tried everything from banning Derek from sex, which lasted a whole three days longer than Stiles had expected, to wearing a piece of wolfsbane on a chain around his neck. He thought it would be like a cross to a vampire, but Derek took one look at it, broke the chain, then proceeded to punish Stiles. Which Stiles totally hated. Totally.

Stiles was running out of ideas. And clothes.

Right now, the two were enjoying a Friday night alone in Stiles' room. He'd had a rough exam earlier which he was sure he failed, and Derek was being so kind as to take his mind off it. Stiles pulled Derek towards the bed and on top of him, moaning softly into their kiss. He ran his hands along the older man's bare back, loving the way the muscles rippled under his touch. He could feel Derek's hands running up and down his body before moving up to the first button of Stiles' shirt.

Wait, Stiles was still wearing a shirt...Oh fuck!

_Rip!_

Stiles and Derek both froze when they heard that all too familiar noise of tearing fabric. A grin was beginning to play at the corner of Derek’s lips. Stiles, on the other hand, could feel his eye twitching with growing rage. “You. Mother. Fucker,” he said with a glare filled with pure hate. “That was my last button up shirt! That was my last long sleeved shirt!” He really wanted to break Derek’s face right now.

Derek had buried his face in the pillow as he tried to hide his smile, even though it was obvious he found this whole situation fucking hilarious. Asshole. “Don’t worry,” he said with a chuckle, looking up at Stiles with the most aggravating grin in the world. “I’ll just buy you some more clothes.”

Stiles’ eye was twitching even more now. “Dude, you can’t just buy me new clothes every weekend!”

Derek looked at Stiles like he was stupid. “I’m pretty sure that’s the point of money. So that I can buy you replacement clothes.”

“That’s not the point!” Stiles raged as he yanked his shirt off, examining the holes where the top buttons used to sit. Maybe he could just wear this without buttoning it up?

“Then what’s the point?”

Stiles flapped his mouth as he tried to think of one good reason for his argument against Derek. He failed. “Derek, I’m seriously sick of you tearing all my clothes up! I’ve told you this a million times! Why do you keep doing it?” Stiles was suddenly starting to get a headache. He felt like such a girl, getting upset over clothes. But it was almost like Derek wanted Stiles to walk around totally naked! On second thought, that might actually be the wolf’s plan.

Derek rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his messy hair. “I’m really not doing it on purpose,” he said. “I can’t help it. When I’m with you, I just lose control sometimes. You do that to me, Stiles.” He said that with the biggest, saddest looking doe eyes.

Oh fuck no. Derek was NOT going to play the hurt puppy role this time. Stiles squirmed out from under the alpha and stood before him with his hands on his hips, and a very angry look on his face. "Derek Hale, I'm seriously sick and tired of this. I'm down to a small handful of clothes, I'm doing laundry every other day, and I'm tired of walking around looking like a mess. Do you have any idea how humiliating it is trying to sneak into the locker room to change when one half of the ass of your jeans is missing?" Derek just snickered, and Stiles threw his ruined shirt at the alpha, then walked away in a huff. "Fucking werewolves," he muttered.

Suddenly, Stiles found himself wrapped in two strong arms. Soft kisses were being placed on his temple, but Stiles was not in the mood now. He just avoided eye contact with the man and pouted unhappily. "Stiles, I'm really sorry," Derek said in a sweet voice, as if he expected Stiles to just melt with that tone. Well try harder, mister! "I meant what I said. I can't control myself around you. I'm obsessed with your body, and I want to be able to see and touch it at all times."

"But do you have to ruin my things in the process?" Stiles asked, still pouting and glaring at the corner. He was still angry.

Derek placed a light peck to those pouting lips. "I already told you. I'll buy you all the new clothes you want. I'll buy you ten closets full of clothes." Stiles kept up his pout, but his glare softened. No, Derek was not going to sweet talk his way out of this one! He was not going to win yet another damn argument! Stay strong, Stilinski!

Two big hands cupped Stiles' face and moved it so that he was looking directly into Derek's eyes. Derek gave him a tender, loving look, his eyes full of emotion. Stiles could feel his insides turning gooey; Derek only showed this side of himself to Stiles and only in private. The bastard was not playing fair. "Stiles, I love you. I think your body is beautiful. Is it so wrong of me to want to see it completely uncovered? Is it so wrong of me to want to be able to get as close to you as physically possible?”

Stiles felt all the fight drain from him. Derek was just a big jerk. He was a jerk for not playing fair, and using that gorgeous ass face of his to make Stiles weak in the knees. “No,” he said with a pout, completely hating the fact that he had lost yet another fight. “But I’m holding you to your promise!” he said quickly, poking the wolf hard in the chest. “I’m going to make you buy me a dozen closets worth of clothes!” Derek chuckled and just gave him a sweet kiss as his response. Stiles really hated him right now. Fucking werewolves!

Stiles then spotted something lying on the floor, and a wonderful plan came to mind. He’d just thought of the perfect way to get Derek to stop tearing up his clothes. He pulled himself from Derek’s arm and went to go pick up a dark green henley shirt. Without a word, Stiles went to his desk, grabbed a pair of scissors, and ripped right down the middle. It was now Derek’s turn to look aggravated, and Stiles had a triumphant look on his face. “For every piece of mine that you ruin, I’ll ruin one of yours! What do you think of that, sourwolf?” Oh yea, Stiles finally won!

Derek kept glaring at the ripped shirt like it was offending him, and pursed his lips in disapproval. But suddenly he smirked like he found the whole thing amusing. “That’s fine,” he said with a shrug as he stalked up to Stiles with a look like he had evil intentions for the boy. “I’ll just buy more clothes.”

_Fucking werewolves!_

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing these silly fics! :D
> 
> I hope you guys liked reading it!


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